Heres another one of jenn’s thought provoking articles. To a degree, I can really relate to how she is feeling. (err, minus the having to work part, I dont know how she does it). Many a time I get frustrated at hubby’s inability to spot things that need doing, like walking past a whole bucket of laundry to be taken downstairs, or Ive asked him to take something downstairs for me and he’s forgotten, nemind its not TWO minutes… Thats prob why I end up doing it all myself sometimes, cos I just couldnt b bothered to wait LOL Giving him his dues, he does pitch in an awful lot, more than a LOT Of husbands/partners/fathers and he changes the kids, feeds em, waters em.. although I know its hard for him sometimes with work and all and he WANTS to chill out. I dont blame him. Its hard, esp after the long commute, having to deal wt work or idiots at work etc and I guess this IS a common complaint wt parents, albeit one is a stay at home parent and one works or both work etc.
When Jenn and I recently talked abt husbands etc (as wives are wont to do LOL), I remember saying I tend to TELL him what to do cos if I waited for him to do something off his own bat sometimes, I’d be forever waiting LOL and it is hard to find a balance cos everyone wants some TIME out to themselves to do things that they wanna do, not cos they HAVE to. And being a stay at home parent (or a work at home parent), it’s very very hard to find that time w.o the help of a support system of some kind, whether it be grandparents, friends, partner etc. Ive done less than I normally do this time, being so heavily pregnant (haha, some good thing I guess LOL) and things have been really really crazy for us of late and I guess he feels the frustration of not hvng any time to himself and with the boys being so demanding, attention-wise or acting up cos of whatever reason, it can get to ya, boy do I know this.. sometimes I feel like saying to him well, this is my day, every day, all day, w.o stopping (except when they r asleep) but I dont (well, not always lol). Ive had moments of resentment, much as I love being a mummy and with my kids. am also human I guess, hv to lor.. but when your kiddies come up to you and plant a sloppy kiss on ur head or whatever’s available, elbow keh, cheek, forehead, and say to you “Mummy! I love you too!” it sure does help you get thru those harder days. Soppy soppy me! LOL
With no:3 coming along, its gng to be nutso LOL but that is the choice we made, and we will be glad of it too although admittedly there will be times I do wonder LOL anyways, just had to write something abt what Jenn said and I can so relate to what kinda day she’s been thru sometimes..I tend to get rather sarcastic when these things happen, which isnt always the best way I know LOL Anyways, the good thing is that we TALK abt it, whether its good or bad things, criticism or complaints. Its better than storing it up inside and building up resentment. I like to think it will help my boys b better men in the future that they can SEE daddy and mummy doing non-traditional things. Like daddy talks abt how he feels, daddy does domestic things arnd house, cook, clean whatever.. And mummy also assembles furniture, sorts out her car, whatever.. rather than “oh wait till a man comes and saves me!” don said to me the other day, even if we hv a daughter (fingers crossed for No4 hahaha), he hopes that she will be unafraid to put pictures up, sort out a flat tyre etc etc w.o doing the whole “oh I must wait for a man to do that for me!” routine. (which I think really annoys him LOL). I figure with her mum being the way she is and three older brothers, she’d hv a good chance of nt being like that.. Mind u, with my luck, she prob will ROFL
waahh sound so philosophical hor.. There was an article in the newspaper once that made me laugh (I think its one of Kevin Cowherd’s ones, cant remember now). It talked abt how men can only single process, one thought at a time, only one thing on their mind. Its very true in many respects. Thats why I either write things down for hubby to do so he can tick it off one thing at a time 🙂 or I tell him to do things one thing at a time. They really cant seem to process it all and do it well and then they forget things! So Ive learnt to either do it myself (I think women have no choice but to multi-task cos err.. men cant?! lol) or get him to do it in stages. We laugh about it actually, he just finds it so funny and so do I most of the time LOl (except when Im struggling to cope and he hasnt caught up yet LOL He wld tell folks my wife looks after kids, cooks, does what domestic chores she can do, reads newspapers, maintains online support groups and friendships etc, prob at same time LOL he used to laugh that I’d be breastfeeding boys and then then b ready or on the phone, or organise things over the phone while still in hosp or something. He reckons I’d prob be like that when baby kieran finally decides to show up, I’d b organising something or another over the phone while in labour. Im glad he finds it a strength LOL I guess some men wld find it annoying or overbearing or feel left out cos the wife is doing it all.. or worse yet, think the wife is coping and then dont bother to help..
I cant tahan that leh.. Anyway I also couldnt b bothered to do the whole hinting thing or “you should b able to read my mind” routine.. I’d much rather say “Could u do that please?” “Im too tired to cook now, cld you do it or tapau” “Boys need their nappies changing etc” I hv to say he’s a GREAT support and does so much, cant get thru things w.o him I reckon (or it wld be sooooooo much harder to) and he does try his best to give me time for myself, which he thinks is very imp cos its so easy to get caught up in just house/family and lose urself or even your relationship. admittedly we hvnt had any time of late to do our usual “make a date for just us!” dinner or something what wt the new house/baby coming etc. But it IS important I think, esp for a marriage. Cos if you dont maintain ur relationship/friendships/hobbies outside of the home/family, when the kids do leave the nest, u may end up thinking.. err… who is this person I thought I married.. ya know? Like my sis in law who does woodwork now (the one in UK), I think its great that she does and its better for her and her kids I think. After all, humans are multifaceted and cant just be simply defined by (a) Im a parent (b)Im married to so and so right? reading and writing for me works well, or just even going to support group meetings wt or w.o the kids and hubby. It’s all good 🙂 Makes things easier to deal wt dont ya reckon?
waaahhh I shld stop now LOL thats quite a long reaction to Jenn’s article and unfortunately laundry beckons! (while the kids are in school, always good to do chores or catch up online haha). Before I end, CONGRATULATIONS to Alex and Lin on the birth of their daughter who was born 10/04 at 7:15am, weighing in at 2.93kg. Mum and daughter are doing well, YAY!
ok.. back to the mundane tasks of laundry and thinking abt what to do abt lunch and dinner, bfr the house is in chaos upon return of my two lovable rogues!